pregnancy
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"The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery,but a process of creation. You are not discovering yourself but creating yourself anew. Seek, therefore, not to find out who you are,seek to determine what you want to be”– Neale Donald WalschI'm thinking a lot lately about the idea that I am creating my own life everyday, with every choice I make. This way of looking at things doesn't come that naturally to me. I feel like so much of my life since becoming a mother is about reacting to circumstances - my son's behavior, my husband's work schedule, how much sleep I got the night before. My reactions can be very emotionally-driven: I tend to get easily frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, worried. I am an emotional person; I keep reminding myself that inside my emotions, I still have a choice about how I react.I am currently enrolled in my first ever e-course. It's called Flying Lessons: Tips and Tricks to Help Your Creative Business Soar. It's being led by Kelly Rae Roberts, whose journey from full-time social worker doing art as a hobby to full-time, ... more
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Rebecca - - No responsesWe just had our 20-week ultrasound, and everything looks good.The RELIEF is incredible!I wasn't that nervous going into it - nervous, but not extraordinarily so. But there was a moment when the tech, who had been chatty while she gave us the guided tour of my uterus & our baby inside it ("look, baby is sucking the thumb!"), got quiet and started focusing carefully on the screen. She was looking at the heart. And my heart started beating as fast as the baby's. I saw that road open up before ... more
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Rebecca - - One responseI think this picture actually makes me look smaller than I am. Or smaller than I feel at least. But look - I'm smiling! Though I'm still not feeling fantastic, it is such a relief to be better.We spent Memorial Day weekend camping on a farm and hanging out with friends north of Davis, California. My friend Janna is about 7 weeks ahead of me, pregnancy-wise. While our children played, our bumps were getting to know each other. I like how it looks like mine is pointing at hers.Meanwhile, ... more
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Rebecca - - 2 responsesPhotos snapped seconds apart in time.We've been having an up and down time with Elan lately. On the one hand, he is completely delightful, interacting in new ways with us, with language, with music, focus, imagination, making up stories that always seem to feature the line "suddenly, a storm came!" And on the other hand, he is impossibly difficult, fighting us over every little thing, turning a simple request into an epic power struggle and exhausting Mikhail and me with his defiance.Tomorrow he turns 3 and a half, ... more
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Rebecca - - One responseA few days ago, I felt it. Like a goldfish swimming in a bowl, if your hands were the bowl so you could feel how the tail pushed the water. That's how I described the sensation to Mikhail. It was a little startlingly weird. I don't remember sensations like that with Elan; the first thing I felt with him was the sensation of popcorn popping, at about twenty weeks. They say first-time moms rarely recognize the earliest sensations (16-20 weeks) and second-time (or more) moms frequently do, and so feel ... more
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Rebecca - - No responsesA long-overdue update...* I made it to the second trimester! I am now in my 17th week, which seems kind of amazing. A few weeks ago, the nausea improved about 10%, and now I think I've made another 10% jump. It's definitely not where I hoped I'd be by this time, but it is nice to feel some improvement. * With a corresponding slight improvement in my energy, I suddenly notice how disorganized and chaotic my life and house are. However, I'm still pretty worn-out, recovering from various colds and ... more
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Rebecca - - One responseThere is something worse than being 13 and a half weeks pregnant and still feeling like you're trapped on a boat in stormy seas. Being 13 and a half weeks pregnant, still trapped on the boat, and then getting a bad cold on top of it. Where every time you cough, you want to throw up too. And then getting the first tell-tale eye goop signs of pink eye.I believe this is the part where I crawl under the covers and wait for the first trimester to end. Only 4 ... more
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Rebecca - - One responseI notice my writing on this blog is getting less creative (notice the title of this post). I blame it all on the tiny creature sucking all the energy out of me. But the good news is that we had an ultrasound this week, and the tiny creature is doing great! He's actually a lot cuter now than he was four and a half weeks ago too. (No, we don't know the sex, I'm just picking a pronoun here.) I was extremely anxious leading up to this ultrasound. This was ... more
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Rebecca - - 2 responsesWe came down to San Diego to spend a week in the sunshine. Unfortunately the pregnancy-sickness has continued unabated. In fact, it might be worse now than a few weeks ago. It starts as soon as I eat breakfast now, so there is pretty much no time of day that I feel okay. Last night I came as close to actually throwing up as I have all pregnancy. It came over me suddenly as I was getting ready for bed - heaving of the stomach, cold sweats and all. But ... more
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Rebecca - - One responseThere are women who glide through early pregnancy, hardly even remembering that they are pregnant except for occasional hankerings for a burger or a nap.I am not one of those women.For me, early pregnancy is more like getting hit by a train. Everyday for about 8 weeks.Morning-sickness isn't a good term for what I experience. All-day sickness would be more accurate. In fact, first thing, lying in bed, I usually have a few moments of bodily peace, when my body has sufficiently reset from sleep to temporarily forget that its ... more
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Rebecca - - 2 responsesThat's right. We're taking the plunge again.We had an ultrasound, and it was a profound relief to see the heart beat and know that as of now, all development is proceeding on track.I've noticed that telling people you're pregnant starts to feel significantly more logistical and less romantic by the third time. Or maybe it's more that after my miscarriage, I've been hesitant to get my hopes up.Mikhail's never been wedded to the wait-12-weeks-before-you-tell phenomena, and I decided I wanted to share the news earlier this time. The reality ... more
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All The Rest Is Just Icing30 weeks Warning: this post involves vomit. You might want to put down your sandwich. I might have mentioned before that I am not a puker. I have not vomited…
