Here's a post I wrote back in March 2013. I'm not sure why I never got around to posting it then. Perhaps it painted a picture of the sleep situation which made it look worse than it usually was by then, since I wrote this about six months after we finally managed to get Elan's combined sleep apnea and dust mite allergy better controlled. Colds still exacerbate his sleep apnea, and there are still nights when I'm up and down multiple times, though other nights when both of them blessedly sleep through the night. But many of the sentiments still ring true for me, so I'm posting it now.Soda Springs, California, March 2013
I could just show you the pretty pictures of our weekend in the snow.
The kids so cute in their borrowed snow gear.
The landscape of tree and snow and light soul-lifting in its stillness.
I could leave out the part about everyone being sick, at different stages in this yucky cold/cough that’s infected our household. I could not mention the drifts of Kleenex and hacking cough long into the dry air, high altitude night.
I could ... more
Here it is, fall already.
I wish I felt happier about that turn of events.
I love the fall, but this year it has felt like it came upon me suddenly, and both my children have birthdays coming up, which means they're getting older, which means I feel all nostalgic and weepy, because I want them to stay little & adorable. And yet, I still hate it when they wake up too early in the morning and fuss at me. And of course I want them to grow up, healthy & strong. ... more
Berkeley Rose Garden, May 2013
It's okay to bring bread to the potluck.
It's okay to decide that, for the last week, school starts 15 minutes later than it really does.
It's okay that he's moving on from kindergarten. He's ready for this. You're the one who feels like she's always playing catch up.
We were in the car, and he said, "3 days of kindergarten left."
And I said, "How do you feel about that?"
After thinking a moment, he said, "Kind of happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I ... more
Elan in full shagginess, March 2013 Post-bang trim, with the most beautiful lollipop
You know what happens? I write a long, involved post, but then I get stopped somewhere along the way (usually at putting the pictures in), and then I just stop posting altogether. That one blockage just keeps everything else from flowing out around it. Maybe life is like this too. We get stuck on one thing that's not working, and it's difficult to shift our focus, to work around that one thing and keep going.
So now it's spring, ... more
The yard as backdrop to Emry's first birthday, October 2011
Sometimes I call it the patio, which is fairly accurate, and sometimes the garden, which is wishful thinking.
Mostly I call it the yard, which is what we called outdoor space where I grew up. In the desert, on one acre, in the '80s, we had a front and a back yard: lawns, a wooden deck, a playhouse made by my dad and grandpa with square, circle, rectangle and triangle windows, swings, a plywood slide which would leave splinters in your ... more
Batman and his trusty companion, February 2013
When I am gray-haired and my children are grown, and I am sitting by a fire reminscing, will I remember the way that Emry poops four times a day and always when we're running late leaving the house? And how Elan never does what I say until the 4th time I say it, with frustration? Or will I think about how they'd put their little hands in mine, how Elan would actually never want to be out of my presence in the house, ... more
Pantry after badly needed clean-up, February 2013
I have felt such a need to purge and clear out lately. What is this, some kind of early-early spring cleaning clock?
I think it's more that the build up over the 4 and a half years we've lived in this house has suddenly... well, built up. To the point where, when I peek into certain closets, I feel like an ant contemplating the scale of a skyscraper, and so I close the curtain on it and go about my business. No, it's not ... more
My Valentine, made by Elan
Elan and I had a Valentine-making session yesterday.
The Valentines were super simple, homemade little bits of affection: a white heart, a piece of colored construction paper, a rainbow sticker. He wrote all the names of his classmates himself. He got excited when he wrote his name really well ("This is my best name ever, Mama!") and got only minimally down on himself when he didn't ("What happened to that E? That's a weird looking E!").
On the way to school this morning, he ... more
Mischievous look expert, February 2013
As I contemplate having reached the one-year mark after Elan's tonsillectomy to treat sleep apnea, I am frequently struck by the ridiculous nonsensicalness of sleep in my house. I just finished an essay about it, my first non-blog humor piece, sparked by an idea I got - when else? - in the middle of the night.
Elan and I have been reading Shel Silverstein before bed lately, which I love because I get to witness his delight and remember my own in these same poems. ... more
Tree against sky, December 2012
It is 6:30 p.m., witching hour in my house. I am frustrated. Tired of the whine fuss complain tattle cycle my kids are locked in. The text messages from my husband keep pushing back his arrival time 10 minutes by 10 minutes. I find myself saying things like You guys are driving me totally nuts and I can’t hear myself think, as I attempt to keep them occupied while making dinner and then to eat what I’ve made.
Finally I reach my limit, my wavering line ... more